Mon, 16 Apr 2012 11:28:59 GMT

Even now when I listen to Dum Spiro Spero as a whole... I still can't handle it. O.o and it's been what... seven months now since it came out. I've listened to it over a hundred times, I've listened to at least a couple of songs every day since it came out. I know it like the back of my hand but it still leaves me gutted.

I still completely loose my shit if I sit and listen to it from start to finish with my eyes closed and with no distractions. I come out of it weak and drained and red-eyed, and incapable of speaking or of listening to so much as a simple piano tune even if I wanted to. I always need the silence afterwards. I don't know what exactly does it, but I feel, sort of, that the order of the songs have a sort of domino effect on me. By the time Diabolos rolls around I'm a muddled wreck, and it's always Diabolos that buries me. I strongly doubt it would do so in such a way were it not immediately preceded by Lotus. I don't know how, but those two songs have become intrinsically linked in my head and my body, both musically and thematically, but I can't really explain how... it's a sensation in my bones, that's the only way I could describe it right now.

Diabolos actually makes me feel... abjection. It makes me feel desolate and wretched. It makes me so sad I can hardly breathe through it's duration, is how I love that song. The moment it ends is the moment I'm buried. For that second before Akastuki begins I'm devastated that it's over.
Then shortly after comes Vanitas which just... I mean, it's Vanitas. Every single time, the moment I hear Kyo say 'kimi yo sayonara', I cry. And I cry and cry. And I keep crying right through Ruten no tou. And when it's over I sit where ever I am, exhausted, and let everything settle into it's proper place, so I can function again.

I don't know if it might be considered stupid to have that sort of bond with something like a band, or an album, well I say fuck that consideration. Dir en grey's music, for me, and I'm sure for a lot of others as well, is a cleansing experience. THIS album for me especially is. It's deep. It's one of the deepest pieces of music I've ever heard, and as such it illicit's an equally deep response.

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ichenstein